


Hold on (I still need you)

by skaioctavia



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Bellarke, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:28:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27832291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skaioctavia/pseuds/skaioctavia
Summary: Can you hear me screaming? Please don’t leave meHold on, I still want youCome back, I still need youLet me take your hand, I'll make it rightI swear to love you all my lifeHold on, I still need you
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin
Comments: 14
Kudos: 32





	1. I can’t imagine a world with you gone.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there!! Hope you enjoy this book! I just got inspired by this song and came up with this. Feedback is appreciated! :) Luv u <3

_ Loving and fighting, accusing, denying _

_ I can't imagine a world with you gone _

_ The joy and the chaos, the demons we're made of _

_ I'd be so lost if you left me alone _

Bellamy sighs and close his eyes. He was so tired. He hadn’t really slept since Clarke got in the hospital. He actually couldn’t sleep without having scaring dreams. The last time he remember he tried to get a full night of sleep, he woke up in the hospital room’s chair — which he was stuck in since the doctor said he could be with her — sinking in his on sweat, gasping for air as the traumatic pictures of the scary dream he had just had passed throughout in his brain like a movie — a horror movie. He dreamt the equipments that keep Clarke alive had been shutting down. When he woke up, he hold Clarke’s hand and remembered himself: Clarke’s alive. Clarke’s here. It was just a dream.

But people say “dreams come true”, and for good or bad, it does. Clarke’s doctor told him today they’d have to shut down Clarke’s equipments sometime. Clarke has been in coma for almost one year, and Bellamy knew although he denied that more time passes by, more the changes of Clarke waking up decrease. It scares him like hell. He can’t loose Clarke. He never even imagined a world without her. He  _ can’t  _ imagine a world without her. 

Bellamy without Clarke it’s Romeo without Juliet. The memory made Bellamy smile for the first time since the accident. Clarke and him had read Romeo and Juliet together for a school project once. He remembered how her lips moved smiling as she read for him her favorite quotes of the book, and how her eyes shined when she look at him and told him he was her Romeo. He could never forget that day.

_ “From my only hatred, love rises up: early seen, and known late. It is a prodigy this love that is born troubled: for I must now love the one who is most detested,” Clarke said, reeding the book. _

_ “It is so weird. Why can’t they just be together?” Bellamy asked. _

_ “Things are more complicated than that,” Clarke said. “Their families hate each other and they were literally taught to hate each other since the day they were born. Everything was different, Bell. They lived in a different era than us.” _

_ “Well, I’m glad I can be with the girl I love,” Blake said, smiling. _

_ “I’m glad for being with a man that makes me explain the whole book for him and yet I love him anyway too,” she joked, and he kissed her gently, smiling. _

_ “These words are too complicated,” Bellamy argued.  _

_ “Is that or you just busy looking at my lips?” Clarke smirked. _

_ “Maybe both,” Bellamy whispered, and Clarke laughed, kissing him again. _

_ “Okay, now we have to concentrate. It’s an important school project.” _

_ “There’s some things more important than that, though,” Bellamy said, his lips against her neck and she laughed, pushing her boyfriend away. _

_ “I’m serious Bell, we need to get this done. Then we can do whatever the hell you want.” _

_ Bellamy sighed and then smirked. “Whatever the hell I want, huh?” _

_ Clarke rolled her eyes. “Shall we get started?” she said, trying to focus on the work, and Bellamy nodded. _

_“You are my Juliet, you know that?” Bellamy said, smiling._

_”I think you’re not a bad Romeo candidate yourself,” Clarke jokes._

_“Not a bad candidate?” Bellamy asks, pretending he’s offended. “Darling, I’m the best.”_

_”Yeah? You gotta prove it,” Clarke said._

_”I can prove to you know,” Bellamy said, smirking._

_”You probably could, but as I said we have to get this done.”_

_”You’re boring.”_

_”You love me.”_

_”I do.”_

_ “Understands: a fire extinguishes the burning of another flame. The end of present pain is in future pain. The new feather drowns out the old and ignites it; In a vertigo, it turns Let another disease in your eyes enter, And the old poison will thus expire.- and you will find a cure,” Bellamy reads, with a confused face. He looks at Clarke. “I didn’t understand a single word.” _

_ Clarke laughs. _

_ “Benvolio basically says that no pain really ends, they are just covered by another, and another, and another. The cure for a pain you’re feeling right now is the pain you’ll feel in the future. The point is if there’s no end for pain, why does it begin? Shouldn’t everything have a beginning and an end?” _

_ “You’re just making me confuser,” Bellamy says. _

_ “What I am trying to say is life is pain. Life is bleeding every time until there’s no blood left to bleed so you die. There’s no actual reason for that, it just is. Life is pain and you can’t live without pain.” _

_ “But Romeo and Juliet found love. Why didn’t their pain end?” _

_ Clarke smiled. “Bellamy, love is the biggest pain.” _

Bellamy never realized Clarke was right until now. Loving someone is so freaking painful but yet you can’t just stop loving. It’s like a cosmic punishment or a drug you’re addicted. There’s no love without pain _.  _

Bellamy holds Clarke’s hand and squeezes it. Her hand is cold. Her nails are yellow — Octavia did them yesterday. Yellow was Clarke’s favorite color. She used to say it remembered her of the sun. It’s was Bellamy favorite color too, because it remembered him her beautiful hair he loved. 

“Hey there,” he says to Clarke. “I don’t know if you can hear me, but I hope you do. It’s been 345 days since the accident.” He sighs. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m pleased you’re alive but I wish you could tell us you’re actually there. You’re breathing but I don’t feel you here. I miss you like crazy. It’s so painful here without you. I used to believe I could go through everything as long as you were by my side, but now I’m just lost.” He wipe his tears he hadn’t really had fallen. “But take your time, Princess. I’ll wait you forever if I need to. I’ll never give up on you. I promise. I can’t imagine a world with you gone. I don’t really think there’s actually a world without you. You are my world. A pretty crackhead but still the world I would never change. I love you, Clarke. I’ll wait for you as long as I need to.”

Hours later, Octavia visited them. She didn’t ask if Clarke had made any progress; she already knew the answer. She just seat in the chair beside Bellamy’s and grabbed his hand. He lays his head on her shoulder and she caress his hand.

“How you doing, big brother?”

He sighs. “Not my best day.”

“I know,” she said. And she did. She almost lost Lincoln in that accident too. But she had him back, and that gave hope that Bellamy would get Clarke too. 

It was six months ago.

“Will this never get better?” Bellamy asked, closing his eyes, wishing when he opened it he’d wake up from this nightmare. His eyes opened and he saw Clarke, laying on the hospital bed, in the same position she has been since he can remember.

“You remember what Clarke used to say?” Octavia smiled, hoping a happy memory of her would make him smile, but it didn’t work.

“It is always by way of pain one arrives at pleasure,” Bellamy whispers.

“Marquis de Sade,” Octavia says.

“I can’t see where or when the pleasure will arrive.”

“You never know, Bellamy. It is in the most dark moments you find your brighter light.”

“She is my brighter light.”

Octavia smiled sadly. “I know. And she knows it.”

“I just wish I could have saved her. I wish I could take her place. It should’ve been me.”

“Don’t say that, Bellamy,” Octavia whispered, her eyes watering at her brother’s pain. She holds his face in her hands and looks deep on his eyes and she can see the mix of confusing feelings in his gaze.

“It should’ve been me.”

She hugs him tightly. She knew he was suffering more than any of them. Clarke was his wife.  _ She is his wife _ , Octavia thinks.  _ She’s not dead.  _

Octavia wouldn’t know what to do if Lincoln were in the same situation of Clarke’s. He had had injured himself in the accident too, and it was the most traumatic experience she had ever had. And her brother has been looping this traumatic experience she had for almost one year. She couldn’t even start imagining how he was feeling. She knew Clarke meant the world for him, and she scares what will happen to him if Clarke doesn’t make it.

And besides, Clarke is Octavia’s best friend. She will never forget that Clarke was the one that made Lincoln and Octavia be together. She was always there when she needed her. She was a truly good friend and such a nice person. She didn’t deserve any of this. Octavia just wish she could have her friend again.

Octavia pulls Bellamy away gently and goes to Clarke’s side, and holds her hand. She tries to stop her tears from falling, but she couldn’t hold it back. Not anymore.

“I miss you, Clarke. I miss your stupid little jokes and the unique way you see the world. God, I miss you reading books all day and forgetting you have actual work to do. I miss you bossing Bellamy around like he was your son which I never understood but it was funny,” she laughed and Bellamy did too. “You’ll wake up. I know you will. You’re the strongest person I know. You’ve overcome so much and I know you’ll overcome this. One more thing to add to Clarke Griffin’s ‘I overcame this’ list,” Octavia smiled not holding her tears down as she brushed Clarke’s her. “I miss you, bestie. We will meet again and this is an order, okay? I love you.”

After some time, Octavia went home. She was getting sick oftentimes and Bellamy realized that. But he didn’t talk to her, though. He knew Octavia would speak to him whenever she’s ready.

Bellamy felt cold in his skin and although he was wearing a sweater, the cold air was still in his skin. He just stayed there, staring at the dark, hoping until the day his lover open her eyes.


	2. Long endless highway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there! I’m so happy you guys liked the first chapter! I promise you you’ll love the story and how it will develop! :) Also feel free to read my other works, I’m actually pretty focused in writing Bellarke stories and bring to you guys so make sure to check it out! Hope you like this chapter! Feedback is appreciated! <3

_ Long endless highway, you're silent beside me _

_ Driving a nightmare I can't escape from _

_ Helplessly praying, the light isn't fading _

_ Hiding the shock and the chill in my bones _

“Bellamy? Bell, wake up. It’s me.”

Bellamy wakes up abruptly, jumping on the chair. For one little hopeful second, he thought it was Clarke calling his name. He thought she had finally wake up. But then he looks at the person who’s standing in front of him and sees Doctor Reyes.

“Hi, Raven,” he says, giving her a small smile. Raven is Bellamy and Clarke’s friend since high school. He remembers how Clarke and Raven spent hours together studying for medicine exams or literally talking about respiratory system and all these medical terms. They actually really got to be doctors together, as they had always dreamt. Bellamy remembers he was so proud of both his girlfriend and best friend. They were so passionate about saving people’s lives.

Now it’s Clarke’s life who needs to be saved.

“Hey, Bellamy. Have you got enough sleep?”

Bellamy sighs. 

“What do you consider enough sleep?”

“Eight hours at least.”

“Eight hours per week or per day?” Bellamy asks.

“You know the answer, Blake,” she says, laughing a little but still serious. “You need to sleep.”

“I was, then you woke me up,” Bellamy arguments.

“I know, I’m sorry.” She sighs, as if she was trying to be brave enough to say her next words. “We need to talk.”

“About what?”

“Clarke,” Raven said.

“There’s something wrong with her?” Bellamy asked. He felt his heart beating fast and he looked at every single detail on Raven’s face trying to see if it’s good or bad news. Based on Raven biting her lower lip, her frown and her vacillating look, it’s not great news.

“Bellamy, she’s not coming back,” Raven said, delicately. Bellamy shakes his head, not believing.

“No, you’re wrong. She’s coming back. She’ll come back.”

“Bellamy, it’s been almost one year,” Raven said, her voice sounding more vulnerable than ever. She was trying to professional, but it was her friend and her best friend’s wife laying unconscious in that bed. “The changes of her waking up is minimum.”

“But there still changes, aren’t there?” Bellamy asked.  _Please_ ,  Bellamy wanted to say.  _ Please, just tell me there still changes. I don’t care if you’re lying to me. I just can imagine loosing her. Please. _

“Bellamy...” Raven whispered. “Clarke’s heart rate increased substantially during that night in a very short period.”

“What does that mean? She’s getting better?” Bellamy asks, full of hope. “I didn’t see anything, I was sleeping...” Bellamy felt guilty for being asleep. Clarke could’ve wake up and he’d be sleeping.

“Her heart can take it anymore,” Raven says, tears falling from her eyes.

Everything around Bellamy stoped. He couldn’t believe. He just couldn’t. Before what Raven have said, he still believed that somehow Clarke would wake up and come back to him. But now it just seemed like a very far dream. He opened his mouth, but no words came out. He couldn’t put in words what he was feeling in that moment. He didn’t even think he would ever be able to explain them. His heart, already broken, broke in more little pieces, which he didn’t think was possible. He thought when Clarke was in hospital his heart never been so broken, but he was wrong. This destroyed his heart in millions of small pieces with sharp points, which tore his skin from the inside out. “Life is bleeding until there’s no blood left to bleed, so you die,” Bellamy remembered Clarke’s words. 

“No,” he managed to whisper. “ _No_!” he said, but this time louder. “No, it _has_ to be wrong! It has to be wrong.” He hide his head in his hands, not wanting Raven see him crying. “It has to be wrong...”

“I wish it was,” Raven said, really meaning it, and Bellamy knew she meant. He knew Clarke meant for Raven too. 

“Can’t you do anything?” Bellamy asked in a whimper, feeling so useless. He couldn’t do anything to save Clarke.

“She’s had a severe skull fracture and her body’s still struggling with all its strength to heal the internal wounds. Clarke is strong, but she’s tired,” Raven explained, and Bellamy felt reality gradually fade to black and white, but after he heard Raven call out to him in a worried tone, everything went black.

_ Bellamy and Clarke were watching to The Fault in our Stars for the thousand time to say the least. Clarke loved this movie and she made Bellamy watch it with her every single time. Clarke always cried the hell of her and every time Bellamy held her as she cried. Bellamy couldn’t understand how she still crying even though she already knows what’ll happen, but she always does. It’s like a rule.  _

_ “This movie is so beautiful,” Clarke said when the movie ended, wiping her tears. _

_ “I still don’t get why you watch this if it makes you sad,” Bellamy said, helping her wipe her tears. _

_ “It’s beautiful, Bel. This is a true love history and that not even death can break.” _

_ “Nothing can break our love either, so I guess where like Hazel and Augustus,” Bellamy said, smiling, and Clarke smiled too. _

_ “Yeah, I also think so.” She kisses him quickly. “But you know, I’d rather if we both don’t get sick. I kinda like being like them without the disease part,” she said. _

_ “You promised to love me in health and disease!” Bellamy said. _

_ “Yeah, I did. And I still stand my word.” _

_ “Good, because I’m actually sick,” Bellamy said and Clarke’s eyes looked at him full of worry. _

_ “What? How? Why haven’t you told me?” _

_ “I’m lovesick for you,” he said and Clarke tapped him on the shoulder, smiling. _

_ “You scared me, you dimwit.” _

_ “I scared you, babe?” he whispers, laying her in the sofa and laying over her, but don’t putting to much weight on her. _

_ “Yeah, you did,” she said, her hands caressing his face. _

_ “How can I show you I’m really sorry?” he asked, smirking. _

_ “You can do this,” Clarke said and kissed him. _

_ His lips come together masterfully, and his tongue dances with hers. He held the back of her neck, his fingers slowly sliding down there, giving her the chills. Bellamy sucked on Clarke's bottom lip before starting to kiss the way down her jaw to her neck, down a kiss trail to her collarbone and torso and then back to her lips. _

_ “This shows I’m sorry?” he asked. _

_ “I don’t know, you’ll have to do it again,” she said and then smiled, and they kissed again. _

Bellamy opened his eyes and realized he was layered on a hospital bed. What have happened? Why was he there? 

“Oh, you’re awake,” he heard Octavia say. “How you’re feeling, big brother?”

“Why am I here? What happened?”

Octavia sighs. “Your blood pressure dropped and you passed out. Apparently, your precarious diet with tiredness and the devastating news that Raven gave you resulted in this.”

“So it wasn’t a dream? It was real? I mean, what Raven said wasn’t a dream?”

“I wish it was,” Octavia said, sadly.

“What am I gonna do, O? I can’t loose her. I can’t,” Bellamy cried, and Octavia’s heart ached for him.

“You need to let her go, Bel,” Octavia whispered. “She’s suffering. You need to let her be at piece.”

“No, Octavia, I can’t,” Bellamy said. “As long her heart still beating, I won’t give up on her.”


	3. Please don’t leave me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS MY FAVORITE CHAPTER SO FAR!! When I started writing, I wasn’t quite sure if it’d be good tbh but then some ideas came up in my mind and I’m so happy with the result! Hope you like it! Feedback is appreciated:)

_ They took you away on a table _

_ I pace back and forth as you lay still _

_ They pull you in to feel your heartbeat _

_ Can you hear me screaming? Please don't leave me _

Bellamy was once again on Clarke’s hospital room, staring at nothing specific. He was just remembering what Raven have told him yesterday.  _ Clarke’s heart rate increased substantially during last night in a very short period. Her heart can take it anymore. She’s had a severe skull fracture and her body’s still struggling with all its strength to heal the internal wounds. Clarke is strong, but she’s tired. _

Bellamy holds Clarke’s hand and kisses it, feeling her skin against his. He wondered if she was there — Does she hear him? Does she feel him? Will she wake up?

Every day that passes by Bellamy feel his hope being taken away. In one week, it would be one year Clarke was in there. Bellamy couldn’t believe — for him, it was yesterday when the accident happened. He remember as if it was yesterday. It probably was the scariest memory he has ever had, and certainly the one who will ghost him until the day he dies. 

“Baby,” Bellamy whispers, as his fingers run through Clarke’s hair. “I know you still there. I know didn’t let go of me. I know it, I can feel it.” He squeezes her hand. “Please, Clarke, don’t leave me. I’m begging you. You’re a fighter, so I need you to stay strong and fight, okay? I know you must be tired, but please, don’t give up. For me, don’t give up.” He didn’t realize his tears had fallen until a tear falls in Clarke’s arm. He wipes it and then kisses her forehead. “I can’t even imagine being without you, Clarke. This last year have been a nightmare I can’t space from. See you’re laying still in this bed every day for almost 365 days kills me. I miss you every single minute of the day. I miss you in the morning when I wake up and in the night when I go to sleep. I miss your smile that for me was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. I miss your pretty green eyes looking at me as if I was the best thing that have ever happened to you. I miss you so,  so  much, Clarke. Words can’t express how much I do miss you.”

He sighs and close his eyes in frustration. A little part of him expected Clarke to wake up when he said those words. He felt dumb. He felt helpless. 

“You remember when I proposed to you?” he said, smiling. “You were so beautiful and I was the happiest and luckiest guy ever.” He kissed her hand. “That day was the best day of my whole life.”

_ Clarke and Bellamy were lying on a yoke on the beach in a hug. Clarke had her body turned up, trying to get a tan while Bellamy had his face hidden in her shoulder, while sleeping, or so Clarke thought. It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining as if it were its last time, the sounds of the waves breaking were relaxing and Bellamy wanted that relaxation that the waves showed to actually reach him. Even though Clarke didn't notice - so he hoped and thought - his hands were sweating and he felt nervousness overtaking him. He didn't know how she would react to what he was about to do. He wondered if it was the right place, the right time or the right day. He did not listen to those thoughts, though. He knew that if he succumbed to his paranoia, he would not have the courage to do what he was about to do. He took a deep breath and kissed Clarke's shoulder before lifting his face to face her. She had a smile on her face. Her eyes were covered with sunglasses and she was wearing a blue bikini set. Bellamy pulled her around the waist, pulling her to one side and hugged her to him, kissing her neck. _

_ “You’re extremely hot right now,” he whispers in her ear and she laughs. _

_ “I'm always extremely hot, Blake." _

_ “True." They both laugh and she kisses him quickly. _

_ He looks briefly at her relaxed face as she laid her head on his chest, and then thought: it’s now or maybe never. _

_ “Clarke, I need to tell you something," he says, and she raises her face to face him. She supports her elbow on the yoke and her head in her hand, facing the man she loved. _

_ “What’s wrong?" _

_ For a second, Blake could do nothing but admire her beauty. She was so beautiful that Bellamy was out of breath. He wondered when did he ever got so lucky to be presented with a beautiful, kind and loving woman like Clarke. It just made him more sure of what he was about to do. _

_ “Bell?" Clarke asked. “There’s something wrong?" _

_ “No," Bellamy smiled. “It's all ... perfect, actually. I'm with you." _

_ She smiled and kissed him again. _

_ “Is there a special reason why you're being so romantic today?" she asked. _

_ “What? Can't I be romantic?” Bellamy asked. _

_ “Of course you can. But the fact that you are being like that, suddenly, makes me think that you have... ulterior motives,” Clarke said, and Bellamy pretended to be offended. _

_ “No, I don’t. I'm just being romantic with my amazing girlfriend that I love, can't I?” _

_ Clarke took off her sunglasses and raised an eyebrow at him. _

_ “Now seriously, what are your intentions?" she asked, laughing. _

_ “Clarke, I love you so much, you know that?" _

_ She smiled and took his hand and kissed it. _

_ “No, I don't. How much do you love me?" she joked. _

_ “I love you the equivalent of five trucks three tractors five mansions sixty roller coasters along with all the stars in the sky." _

_ “So I think you love me a lot," she said, still smiling and that smile, for Bellamy, was what would make life worth living. _

_ “Yes, I love you very much," he said, shaking her hand. “Before, my life was boring. Monotonous, so to speak. But then you came and brought joy and unpredictability with you.  _ _ You’re like a box of surprises that every time I turn the handle to open, I end up knowing something new about you and loving you even more.” _

_ “Bellamy..." she whispered, not knowing what to say. In fact, she always wondered what she did to deserve him. Bellamy, in her view, is like an angel from heaven to protect her. _

_ “Do you know that line from Romeo and Juliet that we read when we were still in high school? ‘Understands: a fire extinguishes the burning of another flame. The end of present pain is in future pain. The new feather drowns out the old and ignites it; In a vertigo, it turns Let another disease in your eyes enter, And the old poison will thus expire. - and you will find a cure',” he quotes the poem, and Clarke is surprised, and smiles even more. “I never forgot that line and I think I never will. Benvolio says the cure for a pain you feel now is the pain of the future, but he’s wrong. My cure is you, Clarke Griffin. You are the cure for the emptiness that I had in my chest for such a long time and I didn't realize it until it was filled by you.” _

_ “Bell..." Clarke whispered, her eyes already filled with tears. _

_ “And that is why, Clarke, I need you. I need you to keep healing me. I need you when you wake up and when you sleep. I need you to laugh like an idiot in a restaurant with me and to cry on your shoulder. I need you in every possible way. God, how I need you! You’re my compass. Without you, I would be wandering out of nowhere, in an unknown direction, to a dead end. But then, you showed me the way back to life, the way I never would have found if it weren't for you, Clarke,” he said, and she was already crying, but with emotion. His words had touched her. They had also touched him, in fact. Because he really meant that. Every little syllable of what he had just said was the truest truth. Bellamy sat on the yoke and Clarke did the same, and he held both her hands in his. _

_ “When I first met you in the sixth year, I already knew that you were different from the boring and spoiled girls in the class. You walked around in your dark clothes, your hair painted pink, oozing confidence.” _

_ “I'm glad I drew my pink hair," she said, and they both laughed. _

_ “At first, I thought you were going to be a total bad girl, but you showed me that as much punk as your style seemed, you were actually a kind and loving person. You taught me so many things, Clarke. Even when we were so young, you taught me extraordinary things, things that I think even my mother would never have been able to teach me.” He paused to wipe her tears and his hand continued on her cheek, caressing her. _

_ “One day I will never forget was the day you punched Lucas, an eighth-grade boy for trying to punch me." _

_ “I was a bit of a violent child," Clarke laughed. _

_ “I don't know which part of that sentence is more of a lie. The part where you **were** a or the part of the **bit** of.” _

_ “Hey!" she pushed on his shoulder. “You were doing well in your speech so far!" _

_ “Last week when you were with PMS you threw a glass at me!" _

_ “In my defense, the cup was plastic." _

_ “Getting back to what I was saying," Bellamy continued. “It was on that day that you didn't hesitate to punch a boy two years older than you for me, that I fell in love with you and have been crazy about you ever since." _

_ Clarke smiled and ran her hand over his face and kissed him. _

_ “Bellamy, those words were...beautiful! I... I don't even know what to tell you. I love you so much, Bellamy Blake.” _

_ “I love you too. But I'm not done yet.” _

_ Clarke looked at him confused and then he took a ring box out of his pocket and her hand went to her mouth. _

_ “Bellamy..." _

_ “Clarke, I love you. I know that love is not perfect and is nothing more than a word in the dictionary, but I certainly want to build a meaning for it with you,” he said as he opened the box, showing a silver ring with a C and the B together in white, and Clarke felt the tears fall from het eyes again. “Do you want to marry me, Clarke Griffin? Can you love me forever?” _

_ She smiled. _

_ “What a silly question, Bellamy Blake. Of course, I want to marry you and of course I will love you forever!” _

_ She jumped onto his lap and kissed him intensely. God, how she loved this man. Every word he had said today would be kept in her heart. She would remember them all her life. _

_ They broke up and Bellamy placed the ring gently on Clarke's finger and they kissed again, as if nothing else important. It didn't really matter. At that moment, it was just Bellamy and Clarke. Clarke and Bellamy. _

Tears fall from the memory Bellamy had. He wipes his tears and squeezes her hand.

“Clarke, I can’t loose you,” he broke down. He didn’t try to hold the tears back anymore. “Please, please, please, come back to my. I’ll make it right. I swear to love you all my life. Please, I still need you.”

When he finished speaking, loud beeps sounded over the place and Bellamy's heart seemed to leap out of his body. He looked at the heartbeat and I saw that they were fast.Too fast.

Bellamy pushed the bedroom door violently and shouted in the hall for Raven or any doctor who could help him. He didn't care who it was. Raven ran through the bedroom door with other doctors after her, and immediately positioned herself beside Clarke.

“She's having a heart attack!" Raven shouted at the other doctors, who surrounded Clarke, not letting him see her.

_ They pull you in to feel your heartbeat _

“Cardiac monitor connected!” another doctor shouted.

_ Can you hear me screaming? Please don’t leave me _

“Respirator ready!" another doctor said.

Bellamy was just standing there, like a ghost watching the world of the living. The doctors had literally forgotten about his presence there, or they just didn't care.

“He's still here!" as if he could read his thoughts, a doctor said.

“Get him out of here!" cried Raven, and a doctor accompanied him out of the room and closed the door.

Bellamy couldn’t react, not even say that he wanted to stay there with Clarke. He was in shock, and in an endless fear of losing her. What he feared most was whether he had lost her a year ago.


	4. Baby, let’s go home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y’all! Sorry it took so long for me to update but this will make the wait worth it. This is the best chapter I’ve wrote so far and God, I am really proud of what I could come up with. Hope you like it too! Feedback is appreciated :)

_ I don’t wanna let go _

_ I know I’m not that strong _

_ I just wanna hear you  _

_ Saying, “Baby, let’s go home” _

_ Let’s go home _

_ I just wanna take you home _

Bellamy was in the hospital reception for almost one hour and he feared the worst. Was Clarke still alive? Would she get worse?

Every time Bellamy closed his eyes, he saw it again: the loud beeps, the doctors running and screaming, Raven saying she was having a heart attack, the doctors pushing him away from her.

He just wished he’d wake up in his bed, with Clarke holding him close and telling him that everything’s okay, and it was just a bad dream. But there’s the thing: is not a bad dream; is reality. And reality sucks and hurts so badly.

He wish it was him, not her. He wish he had told her not to go. He wish the man who caused the accident wasn’t driving a car while being stupidly drunk. He wish Clarke had wake up.

But mostly, he wish it was him.

_ "Oh my God!" Clarke said, frowning, grabbing some more popcorn to eat. Clarke and Bellamy were watching a movie called “Master Key”. Both were on the sofa, and Clarke's legs rested on Bellamy's lap, while he caressedthem almost unconsciously, almost as if it were a reflex. _

_ “This movie’s pretty cool, isn't it?" Bellamy asked. _

_ “Hell yeah. But I didn't want Caroline to have died,” Clarke said, wiping away a tear that fell from her eyes. _

_ “You’re very sentimental these days," Bellamy said, his hands on her back pulling her closer to him. _

_ “Can't I feel sorry for the girl who died?" Clarke asked. _

_ “Babe, last week you cried with a commercial," Bellamy said. “A cell phone commercial," Bellamy laughed and Clarke tapped him on the shoulder, laughing too. _

_ “I was happy because the little kid got her first cell phone, okay?" Clarke pouted and Bellamy smiled, kissing her lips. _

_ “You’re very cute, you know?" he said, kissing her. “And sexy." _

_ “I do," she said, getting up from the couch. _

_ “Where you going?" Bellamy asked. _

_ “I'm going out with Lincoln to do some shopping," she said. _

_ “Is Octavia going with you?" _

_ “No. According to Lincoln, she is with Raven in Pennsylvania.” _

_ “What the hell are they doing in Pennsylvania?" Bellamy asks, laughing. _

_ “I'm not sure. I think Raven bought something on the internet and it didn't arrive, so Octavia is going to get a shack in the store,” Clarke laughed. _

_ “This is not going to end well." _

_ “I know right. Octavia sometimes overreacts,” Clarke said. _

_ “Sometimes?" Bellamy questioned. “She overreacts every time." Clarke laughs. _

_ “You shouldn't speak ill of your sister behind her back." _

_ “I'm not talking badly about her, fiancée," Bellamy says, hugging Clarke from behind as she fiddles with her purse and kisses her neck, making her laugh. _

_ “Gotta go, Bell. Lincoln is waiting for me.” He kissed her quickly. _

_ “Be careful," he said. _

_ “Sure. I love you, Bell.” _

_ “I love you, Princess," he says and she leaves the house and, for some reason, a strange feeling takes over his chest, but he decides to ignore it. _

_ * * * _

_ It had been four hours since Clarke had left the house, and Bellamy was extremely concerned. He tried to call her a million times and each time he fell into the voicemail. Then, in an attitude of desperation, he called Octavia, who answered. _

_ “Bell?" _

_ “Hi, O. Is Lincoln home?” _

_ “No, I thought he went out with Clarke. Why?" _

_ “They left more than four hours ago and Clarke hasn't come back yet, and neither of them answers my calls." _

_ “Relax, their cell phones must have discharged and they must already being their way home," Octavia said, calmly. “Anything I call you, okay?" _

_ “Okay," Bellamy said and hung up, not waiting for Octavia to say goodbye to him. He was too worried for that. _

_ Minutes later, his cell phone rang again and he answered. _

_ “Hello?” Bellamy said. _

_ “Hi, are you by any chance Bellamy Blake, Miss Clarke Griffin's fiance?" _

_ “Yes, it is. What happened? Is she fine? Can I talk to her?” _

_ “Mr Blake, I'm sorry to tell you that Miss Griffin was involved in a car accident today and is at the Arkadia hospital. I advise you to come and...” _

_ Bellamy did not hear any more of what the woman said to him. His cell phone slipped out of his hands and fell to the floor, while he was still trying to process what he had just heard.  _

_ “No, it’s not possible,” he tried to think, but every second that passed and he drove towards the hospital, he felt a piece of his heart breaking. He can’t lose Clarke. He can’t lose Clarke. He can’t. _

"Bellamy," Raven says, causing Bellamy to quickly get up from the chair and approach her.

“How's she doing, Raven?" Blake questioned, his heart aching. He feared the answer he might receive, but he also feared not to receive it.

“You better sit down," Raven says, avoiding his eyes, pointing at the waiting room chair he was sitting in before. Bellamy sighed. He knew it was bad. He could see in Raven’s eyes. And it scared him.

“Please, Raven. Tell me how she is,” he begged and Raven sighed.

“Bellamy, I told you this before. Her heart can take this anymore. She’s struggling,” Raven said, tears falling from her eyes as she speaks. She tries to stay professional, but it’s her friend lying in those hospital friend. She was telling to her friend his fiancé, her friend, would die.

“No," Bellamy whispered. “No, but she can recover, right? Can she be okay again?” Bellamy asked, but it sounded more like a beg. He was begging Raven to tell him she could survive even though a part of him knew it wasn’t true.

“It is almost impossible, Bellamy. We just have two options: you let her suffer until her heart stops definitely or we can take her pain away.”

Bellamy looked at Raven in disbelief. He couldn't believe that she was suggesting that he allow her to kill Clarke, to take her life.

“No," Bellamy whispers and stands up. “No!” he yells this time. “No way I’ll let you kill her, Raven."

“Lower your voice,” Raven said and Bellamy sighed. “Look, you know how much I love her, Bell. And that’s why I don’t want her to suffer. She is suffering, Bellamy.”

“This is not fair. I can’t just tell you to take her life. This is not fair. This is— this is not fair— it— it isn’t fair,” he says breaking down in tears, and Raven holds him, crying too.

“I know," she says. “I know. But I don’t want to see her suffer.”

Raven pulls Bellamy away and look deep in his eyes. “You need to let her go, Bellamy."

Those words broke his already broken heart even more. But it didn’t just broke his heart; it broke his soul. It broke his entire being, it broke him. He can’t lose her, it’s like the heart losing the head. One can’t survive without the another. He can’t lose her. If he does, then he won’t have a head to tell his heart to beat.

“Raven, I can’t," he whimpered.

“The decision’s yours, Bellamy. But as Clarke’s doctor, Clarke’s friends and yours, I advise you to end the pain she doesn’t deserve to feel.” 

Raven doesn't get an answer from Bellamy, so she wipes her tears and straightens her lab coat. “You can go to her room. Have some sleep, and tomorrow you tell us what you’ve decided, okay?” she said calmly, her hand squeezing his shoulder, and then she goes.

* * *

In the next morning he wakes up when he hears the door been open. He looks at the door and sees the little girl called Madi. She had cancer and went through a surgery a month ago and as far as he knows, the cancer has been removed and she is a healthy girl once again. She’s just here until her doctors lets her leave and she’ll go back to the orphanage.

“Hey Madi," Bellamy says, smiling at her.

“Hi Uncle Bell,” Madi says.

Madi has lost her parents years ago and lived in an orphanage not far away from the hospital. Last year, she found out at the age of six she had cancer. Since then, she’s always been in hospital. One day Bellamy missed Clarke's room and ended up going into hers, and then they met and even became friends. Madi started visiting Clarke and him whenever she was well, and when she was sick, Bellamy visited her. Madi taught Bellamy perseverance, because even having such a cruel illness at such a young age, she had never gave up and now she had overcome this. Bellamy just feel so sorry for this sweet girl who wasn’t have parents to support through these hard times.

They got so close that Madi even calls him Uncle Bell and calls Octavia Auntie O. They don’t bother, though. Even without knowing it, Madi helped him a lot during that year. She made him not give up even when he thought that nothing would improve, and she helped him, even unconsciously, overcome the loss of his baby. She didn't know that, but still Bellamy felt that he owed her.

“How you doing, Madi? Good?”

“Yes," she says softly. “How’s your fiancé?"

Bellamy sighed, and tried to smile at her.“Still sleeping," he said.

“She’s the sleeping beauty, like the girl in the story you told me,” Madi said, innocently and Bellamy smiled.

“Yes, Mads. She is.”

“You have to kiss her then she’ll wake up!"

“It's more complicated than that, Madi,” Bellamy said, sadly.

“But Princesses always wake up with a true love kiss!"

Bellamy smiled at her innocence, and remembered how annoyed Clarke was always when he called her that. But that became their thing. He always called her Princess, and he wouldn’t ever stop.

Bellamy sighed and looked at Clarke, still holding her hand. He couldn’t think of losing her again. It is too much for him.

Madi walked towards him and put her hand on his shoulder. When he turned around, she surprised him with a hug. She hold him tightly, and he did it too.

“I know how is like losing someone you love, Uncle Bell,” Madi said and his heart ached both for her and for himself. “I’m not saying you’ll lose Clarke. I know you won’t. I can feel it in my heart, and look my heart is one of the strongest,” she joked and he laughed. “But you can talk to me, Uncle Bell. I know I’m still young but that doesn’t mean I won’t understand, because I do. I lost both of my parents and I know how it feels.” She sighs. “You feel like you’re alone and you can’t talk to anyone but you can talk to me, okay?”

She pulled him back and his eyes watered. He looked at Clarke again, and said: “We’d have a baby.”

“I'm so sorry," she said and hugged him again. “The baby would be so lucky to have you as a dad. And she or he would be very pretty, ‘cause your fiancé and you are really pretty.”

Bellamy smiled as he hugged her tightly. He didn't know that talking about his loss would do him so well until he talked about it. And Madi was not talking about how the baby was in a better place, because she knew it was pointless. She just hugged him and it made his day better.

She pulled him back and looked at the woman laying on the bed. “She’s really pretty. She reminds me of my mom. She was pretty just like her.”

Bellamy smiled, but didn’t say anything.

“Will she answer you?" she asked and Bellamy looked at her confused. “I always see you talking to her, but she’s always sleeping."

“I think we should let her rest,” Bellamy sighed, not believing he was actually considering letting her go.  We cannot escape the inevitable. And I’m being selfish in thinking only about myself, and how I will feel when I actually lose her, but, on second thought, I think I lost her a long time ago , he thought.

“So she won’t wake up?"Madi asked.

“No, Madi. She won’t.”

Madi looks at the Hello Kitty digital watch on her wrist and says: “Gotta go. Doctor Jackson said I had to be back to my room in ten.”

“Madi, can you do me a favor?” Bellamy asks before Madi leaves.

“Sure.”

“Can you find doctor Raven and say I decided to put Clarke to sleep?”

“Find doctor Raven and tell her you decided to put Clarke to sleep,” Madi repeated. “Copy that. Bye Uncle Bell!”

“Bye Mads,” he said. “Thank you for today.”

“Don’t need to thank me.” She smiled and left.

* * * 

“Bellamy?” Raven says, entering in the room. “Madi told me you decided to let Clarke go... did you?”

“Yes,” Bellamy said, his words hurting.

“I’m sorry, Bell. This is the best choice,” Raven said, calmly. “I’ll get some documents for you to sign and I’ll be back to help you. I’ll let you say her goodbye.” She smiled sadly at him and left the room.

Bellamy turned and looked at Clarke's fragile body hidden under the blanket. He sat in the usual chair and took her hand. It already seemed routine, he did it every day. But the difference is that today he was doing to say goodbye to her.

Say goodbye. Bellamy never thought he would have to say goodbye to Clarke. This was surreal. He thought they would always be together, get married, have an incredible honeymoon, have children and have a good life. He wanted to live his whole life beside this woman, to grow old beside her. But that accident took it away from him, and this would be the last time he would ever see Clarke, talk to her and say how much he loves her.

“Princess, I never thought I would ever have to say goodbye," Bellamy started to speak, her eyes already filled with tears. “I don't even know where to start, Clarke. I— I have so much to tell you, but I don't know if the words I know will do you justice. In fact, they never will. No words invented by human beings can explain how magical you are and how much I love you.” He wiped away his tears and sniffed, holding her hand tighter. “I wish we had more time. Wish I could see your ocean eyes one last time and tell you what I’m telling you now. I wish we could have gotten married the way we imagined — on the beach, in the same place that I proposed to you. I wish we had an incredible honeymoon and we discovered together that you were pregnant and that we had our little girl or little boy or even twins, who knows. I wanted us to get old together, wanted us to look back one day and realize the time we spent together. You are my life, Clarke. And I don't know what I'm going to do without you, as the heart doesn't know what to do without the head. But I understand that you need to rest. I know that you are suffering and I don't want to prolong it with my selfishness.”

He sighs again. “You gave eternity in my days,” he quoted her favorite movie, The Fault is in the Stars and smiled sadly. “You told me a long time ago that love is the biggest pain, and it actually isn't. The biggest pain is the loss and the emptiness it leaves. The void that cannot be filled. It's like digging your own grave and burying yourself. It is like losing a vital organ of your body. It is like losing a part of your soul.”

He wiped away his tears that fell on her face and he approached her face and kissed her cheek.

“May we meet again, love. I know we will. Not even death is strong enough to brake our love, our bond. I love you so much, Clarke. You were the best thing that ever happened to me. You were my only and greatest love, and I will love you until the end of the age. Loving you was a unique experience, each day a new surprise, a new adventure. Loving you was a gift, and I don't regret anything. Neither from fights, nor from misunderstandings, nor from tears. I do not regret anything. I just regret not asking you to stay that day.” He smiled sadly.

“We ironically turned to Hazel and Augustus," he laughed sadly.

“Bellamy," Raven says, opening the door. “It’s time."

Bellamy sighs and holds Clarke's hand tighter, and stares at Clarke's face. “Please, if you're in there, just tell us. Squeeze my hand, say something, move your fingers. Just tell us you're there,” Bellamy begged and waited for some time, but nothing happened. He sighed and Raven put a hand on his shoulder, making him turn around.

“You ready?" she asks.

“Just give me another minute?"

“Of course, Bell."

“I love you, Clarke. So so so much. I love you the equivalent of five trucks three tractors five mansions sixty roller coasters along with all the stars in the sky,” he repeats what he said to her when he proposed. “This is not the end.This is not a goodbye.”

When he said that, he leaned over her and kissed her forehead. He continued to hold her hand, and turned and nodded to Raven, who approached the devices. He turned back to Clarke and watched her last breathes.

“I love you," he whispered again.

And then, he closed his eyes, not taking any more looking. He wouldn’t be able to see the color seeping from her beautiful face, her chest stop rising and falling and the life that had there disappear. He couldn’t see she going away right in front of him. He wasn't ready to lose her, not even close. But he needed to let her go. He needed to think of the best for her, not for him.

He thinks how different everything would be if she never left their apartment that day. They would discover together that they would have a baby, they would raise the kid and they would be a happy family. Clarke would arrive every day from the hospital with the same tired look, but with the radiant smile on her face. They would have dinner together and she would talk casually about her day at the hospital, and he about his day at the police. They would sleep hugged in bed, losing themselves in dreams of each other's embrace.

He sighed. Thinking about it was only making that moment worse. Thinking about what he was missing was worse. He tried to push all his thoughts away, and focus only on his hand holding hers.

And then, he had hope again. Clarke squeezed his hand.


	5. I swear to love you all my life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my God, this is the last chapter of this book. Thank you so much all of you that we’re willing to read the story I had to tell! I’m really thankful for all the reads, bookmarks, kudos and comments. I’m so happy I could come up with this story and I’m really proud. BUT I’ll write an epilogue so stay tuned! :)

_ Hold on, I still want you _

_ Come back, I still need you _

_ Let me take your hand, I'll make it right _

_ I swear to love you all my life _

_ Hold on, I still need you _

All Clarke could see was endless darkness. As if she had been buried alive, as if she were locked in a dark, cold, colorless room and had lost its key.

All she felt was despair, cold and pain. She heard every word Bellamy said in a sad voice and heard him cry. She heard Raven and Octavia trying to support him, but when they were alone with Clarke, they also collapsed. She heard every word, every plea for her to wake up. All she wanted to say was that she was there, that she was listening, that she hadn’t abandoned them. But she was a prisoner of the darkness and couldn’t get out of it.

She heard about Madi, the little girl who got over cancer. She realized that, even at a young age, she was smart and mature, and helped Bell a lot. She heard Bellamy talking about the child they were going to have, and her chest tightened whenever that topic was mentioned, but again only she felt it.

It was like going into a deep lake without knowing how to swim, it was like jumping off a bridged thinking you could fly. It was like falling uninterrupted, in free fall, without ever leaving. She was there. She was always there, but no one could hear her. She tried to scream, tried to move, tried to do anything to get their attention, but no one could hear her. Nobody could hear her.

Bellamy always believed that she was there, and she was grateful for that. There was a certain comfort in knowing that he had hope in her, that he wouldn't give up on her so easily — and even when he did, she understood why. It is hard to still have faith in someone who hasn’t shown a sign of life for a year except for the beat of her heart. And he didn't give up on her — he was willing to let her go so she wouldn't suffer. He was willing to lose the love of his life for her to be at peace, in a place he hoped would be better. It broke her heart into so many pieces that she felt them circulating through her body, tearing her from the inside out.

Hearing him say goodbye to her was the worst thing she ever heard. She wanted, with all her strength, to tell him that she was right there and that she wasn't planning on leaving him anytime soon. Hearing him beg again for her to come back killed her, and she wished he could see that she was there all the time.

She feels the warmth of his hand on top of hers. It had been a long time since she had felt anything but cold, fear and pain; even the touch of the one she loved the most had no warmth. But now, she felt his fingers intertwined with hers. She felt it. She used all her strength to try to say something, but the words stuck in her throat. She tried to squeeze his hand, but everything remained silent, and then she realized that she had failed again, and she was going to sleep... forever.

* * *

Bellamy's breath caught in his throat as he still tried to process what had just happened.Clarke had squeezed his hand. He's sure.

“Wait, Raven!" he screamed. “She squeezed my hand!"

Raven looked at him sadly and approached him. “Bellamy—“

“I'm sure, Raven! I—I'm sure!” He took Raven's hand and linked it with Clarke's. “Babe, I know you are there. Show Raven that you're there.”

Raven stayed there for a minute, but nothing happened. She sighed, and turned to look at Bellamy. “Bell, it's normal to imagine that kind of thing, it's—"

“I didn't imagine! I know what I felt!” he said. “Just give her a little more time."

“Bellamy, I—“ Raven was interrupted when she felt her hand tighten. It was true. Clarke had squeezed his hand.

She sighs, tears forming on her face. “She squeezed my hand," she whispered.

“I told you she’s in there,” Bellamy said, his eyes filled with happy tears for the first time in the year. This year was torture for Bellamy, a nightmare, which he felt was finally waking up.

He turned to Clarke and his hand stroked her cheek. “Clarke, wake up, please,” he begged anxiously.

Clarke used all the strength she could get to trie to open her eyes. She lets out a groan while frowning, and Bellamy gasps relived and thanks whoever let Clarke come back to him. She opens her eyes and he sees her ocean he has always sank onto and smiled.

“Clarke," he sighs, not believing Clarke had wake up. He was afraid he would wake up in his chair and realize she was still in coma and it was just a dream — but this was reality. And for the first time, it didn’t suck.

Her eyes looked deep into his and she felt like she was imagining the one thing that kept her sane all this time — the idea of going back to him. This seems more like a painful dream than the truth.

Clarke opens her mouth and tries to say something, but she can't say a word. It is as if all the strength she had was used to open her eyes.

“Okay, let’s take it easy,” Bell said, smiling at her even though he really wanted to hear her voice right now, but just seeing her awake was enough. “Welcome back, Princess."

An unbelievable joy washed over Clarke's chest, and she thought for a moment that she would burst with joy, and then her heart began to beat wildly. Her body started to shake violently, and then beeps orchestrated around the room. And then Clarke saw Bellamy's face;he was scared.

“Raven, what’s wrong with her?" Bellamy asked.

“Cardiopulmonary arrest," Raven said, pouting Bellamy back and standing next to Clarke. "Clarke, can you hear me?" Even though he felt his chest close against him, Clarke managed to nod. “Okay, no RCR!" She turned to Bellamy. “Call a nurse, NOW!"

He ran out of the room and came back with some nurses, who tried to close the door behind them, preventing him from entering the room.

“Let me in!" he protested.

“Sir, we need to help your bride. Wait in the waiting room,” said the nurse calmly.

“But I need to stay with her! She needs me!" Bellamy argued.

“Please, sir, just let us do our job and wait for us in the waiting room."

Bellamy nodded, hesitantly. He didn’t want to leave Clarke’s side, but he knew the nurses had to do their jobs to save her. The last thing he hears is Raven screaming, asking for adrenaline when the door is shout.

* * *

“Bellamy!" He heard Octavia call him. He lifted his head and saw that she was accompanied by Lincoln. They ran towards him and Octavia hugged her brother. “I’m so sorry,” she cries. “Raven called and told me you decided to let Clarke go... Oh my God, Bell, I’m so sorry.”

“O,” he says, pulling her back and looking in her eyes smiling. “She woke up.”

Octavia and Lincoln’s faces to sadness turned to confusion and disbelief. “Is it true? Clarke’s awake?” she asks.

“Yes, O. She squeezed my and Raven’s hand and opened her eyes,” Bellamy said and Octavia looked at him, her eyes filled with tears.

“Oh my God,” she whispered, hugging him again and crying over him. 

“I can’t believe. I—“ Lincoln said, smiling.

“She’s back to us,” Bellamy said, smiling brightly. “She’s back to me.”

Because they were unable to go to the unit where Clarke was, the three of them slept at the reception, waiting for Raven to show up and give them news about Clarke. In the next morning, she showed up, prompting Bellamy to get up. 

“Raven, how is she?” he’s anguish was evident. 

“Is recovering,” Raven says. “Clarke suffered a cardiac arrest yesterday when she woke up, and I must say, Bell, what happened to her was practically a miracle. Patients rarely wake up in cases like this.”

“You know Clarke, she’s stubborn,” Octavia joked.

“When will I be able to see her?” he asks.

“She’s sleeping. She woke up a few times during this night scared and demanded that we remove the tubes and her respirator. She’s very shaken up so it’d be better if she doesn’t receive any visits for now.”

“Please, Raven,” Bellamy begged.

“Okay. But I can only allow you to go,” Raven said.

“Lincoln and I will go home,” Octavia said. “Call us if you need anything.”

“I will,” he smiled. “Thanks, O.”

“Anytime, Big Brother.”

* * *

Bellamy goes in Clarke’s room and sees her sleeping peacefully, and for the first time his heart didn’t ache when he saw her closed eyes. This time she was just sleeping, and she’d wake up. 

He sits in his usual chair and grabs her hand, kissing it. He smiles while looking at her. She had come back to him, and he would never ever again let go of her.

“Bell?” he hears her whispering and she opens her eyes. He smiles brightly and kisses her forehead.

“Hey, Sleeping Beauty. Welcome back to the world,” he joked and she smiled at him. Bellamy’s eyes were filled with tears and Clarke wiped them with a soft look.

“What’s wrong?” she managed to ask.

“I thought I had lost you. This was the worst year of my life.”

Clarke’s hand caressed his cheek. “You’ll never lose me, Bell. Don’t you ever forget that.”

“I won’t,” he said and kissed her, and every pain he had felt along this year had gone away when her lips touched his. In this world of craziness and unpredictability, Clarke was Bellamy’s remedy to get through it all.

“I can’t believe I would let you go. I—“

“Shhh,” Clarke said. “I need you to shut up now.” And then she kissed him again filled with love.

Now that Clarke was back, they would forget that chapter of their lives and write new ones full of love. Though love was the biggest pain, Bellamy was willing to feel it as long as he felt it with Clarke. And the rest? Well, they’ll figure that out later. But right now, it is just them. Bellamy and Clarke. Clarke and Bellamy. The head and the heart.


End file.
